Q: My mom passed away at the beginning of this year after a long battle with Lewy body dementia. Many years ago, my dad and mom made a trust and will so I could be in charge of their estate. I paid all the bills after my dad passed away and have continued to do so to this day. I have been working on closing out my mom’s estate, but my sister and brother have been hounding me to get their inheritance since the day after the funeral. Honestly, I am drained from dealing with my mom’s care and financial issues for the last few years and I’m doing things as fast as I can, but it’s not fast enough for them. I think this is going to take even longer because the broker is not accepting the trust for her 401k and the realtor said I can’t sell the house with the trust. My brother and sister didn’t do anything to help when my mother was alive and now they are being so inconsiderate while I am still grieving. How can I get them to leave me alone and let me get this done on my time?

A: Your brother and sister were clearly insensitive to start “hounding” you the day after the funeral and during your period of mourning. However, as thoughtless as they may be, the harsh reality is that as trustee, you have certain responsibilities to them as beneficiaries. If you fail to send them required information and/or hold their inheritance without justification, they have legal remedies which could negatively impact you and your inheritance. For instance, the beneficiaries could seek your removal as trustee, damages for a loss in value of the estate, and any other potential claims. Not to worry; there are ways to handle the administration of your parents' trust that will allow you to deal with your grief and stop your siblings from pestering you.

The first order of business would be to provide written estate status report to your brother and sister so they know when they can expect their inheritance. Based on the circumstances you set forth in your questions, you have some trust administration problems which could have been avoided by retaining an elder law attorney to guide you through the process. At this point, I would recommend you engage such an attorney to clean up all the estate issues, prepare the status report, and communicate with your siblings.

After reviewing the estate documents, the attorney will be able to explain how and when the stocks and house will be sold. Based on the realtor and broker refusal to rely on the trust to sell stocks or the house, it sounds like these assets were not properly vested in your parents' trust. Typically in that situation, the trustee would need a court order to transfer the stocks and home to trust to effectuate a sale. If the sales can be completed without court orders, your attorney would guide you through trust administration, asset sales, and final distribution.

If court orders are required, the type of probate proceeding will depend on whether a simplified proceeding is possible or if a full-blown probate is necessary. The main difference between the two is the time and legal fees involved. The simplified proceeding could take a matter of a couple of months, whereas the probate could extend up to and over a year. Unless your brother and sister agreed to opt out of the additional trust administration, they will receive their inheritance after these proceedings and the subsequent trust proceedings are properly concluded.

Since your parents' trust administration should be farther along at this point, I would run, not walk, to the attorney. I’ve seen too many situations where the trustee’s failure to communicate has led to avoidable and costly court battles. Save yourself the aggravation. In the majority of cases, once beneficiaries start receiving the mandatory notices and speak to an attorney who can answer their questions, things calm down.

If you take these steps, you will be in a better position to handle your mom’s estate and the sadness of losing her. Also, since you were so close to your mom and you weren’t getting much support and assistance from your siblings, you might want to look into a grief support group to help you through the healing process. I wish all the best for you.

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