Caregiving is definitely for the lionhearted. Sometimes, you have to stand up for the patient, and you may also have to stand up to the patient. You have to be able to shift gears quickly and multi-task functions that you know little about. Add to that prompting the medical community to ensure the very best care for your loved one, and you'll find that caregiving is a challenging full-time job. You may be surprised to discover it is also a privilege.

In November, we recognize National Family Caregiver Month. Perhaps the hardest challenge that we can face

as a family is being caregivers for a loved one. If it's for only a couple of days, it's not so bad. However, if the care is for a chronic, long-term, or complicated illness, the caregiver can--literally--be part of the difference between saving and losing someone you love. This responsibility may mean a life-encompassing change affecting regular activities with your family and at work. And while you may not be able to save his or her life, the objective would be to make the care receiver comfortable and give him or her some semblance of peace.

Author and speaker Joni Aldrich knows about caregiving all too well. "In 2004, my husband, Gordon, was diagnosed with cancer," says Aldrich, author of the newly released Connecting through Compassion: Guidance for Family and Friends of a Brain Cancer Patient (Cancer Lifeline Publications, www.thecancerlifeline.com.) "In one day, my life changed completely. I was Gordon's primary caregiver through two years of cancer treatment, three outpatient stem cell transplants, and, finally, during the difficult weeks at home with hospice after his cancer metastasized to his brain. There were times that he couldn't walk. There were times when we went to the emergency room in the middle of the night. There were times when he refused to eat, and I had to force him to take nourishment to keep up his strength. No, being Gordon's caregiver was not easy, but I wouldn't have changed places with anyone else during that time."

In 2006, Gordon lost his two-year battle with cancer. Aldrich's book The Saving of Gordon: Lifelines to W-I-N Against Cancer tells the story of the Aldrich family's experiences while simultaneously offering valuable step-by-step advice that will give readers the tools they need to have a fighting chance against cancer. There is also valuable information on how to be an effective caregiver.

"One of the most important things to remember is that if you become sick or fall apart, the 'second-string quarterback' will have to be called in to take over," says Aldrich. "That's not an easy situation, because no one knows the care receiver better than the primary caregiver. And the job description is a tough one: You have to be a pharmaceutical specialist, master scheduler, creative chef, and patient friend and confidant. There are difficult days and impossible ones. The key to being an effective caregiver is staying well, staying focused, and maintaining some level of sanity in the madness."

Here are Aldrich's suggestions on how to maintain your health and attitude while functioning as a primary caregiver:

Caregiver--heal thyself.

"I have the right to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved one."

~Jo Horne

While the focus is on the care receiver, many caregivers forget to take care of themselves. Life revolves around the care of the patient, so it's easy to forget about the caregiver's needs. It's not uncommon for those in a deep caring situation to forget to take their own medications.

"If you become ill, you will only add to an already stressful situation; taking care of your mental and physical needs is critical," Aldrich advises. "The one time that I got really sick, I tried to take precautions and stay away from my husband. He caught the flu, and--because his cancer was in his bones--he suffered from multiple fractured ribs. That's a heavy burden and a reminder that your health can directly affect the patient."

Take it one day at a time, with a foundation of love and patience.

"Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts."

~Og Mandino

Caregiving for anyone with a short- or long-term debilitating illness is stressful and requires changing as the patient changes. Whether you're trained in the medical field or not, you could be in for a bumpy road. There are, however, some fringe benefits.

"Through two years of cancer treatment, I thought I had caregiving for Gordon down pat," Aldrich recalls. "Then, the cancer changed directions and went to his brain. In a matter of hours--not days, weeks, or months--there was a need for me to shift from being a task-driven to a patient-driven caregiver. Add to that the critical decisions that Gordon was no longer able to participate in and anticipatory grief--suddenly, you may find yourself with a challenge of mass proportions laid squarely on your shoulders. But, hold the phone. No one ever said that loving someone for a lifetime would be easy. Remember that every time you help someone you care for and lighten his or her load a little bit, you make a difference."

Aldrich adds that it doesn't mean you won't make mistakes. She recommends mentally learning from them and moving on without harsh recriminations.

The care receiver can't always get his or her way.

"One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interest."

~John Stuart Mill

As the primary caregiver, your responsibility is not always to be nice. "Sometimes, you have to act like a drill sergeant," says Aldrich. "Just like that sergeant, you have the best interests of your patient at heart--you want to give that person the best chance to recover. When you push him or her to eat or make sure he or she takes some medicine--that isn't for your best interests. It's for your patient's best interests. Yet, you have to know where that line is--how far can you push without stepping over the boundaries of the patient's personal choice? It's like walking a tightrope without a safety net. You simply have to do the best that you can."

Rest when the patient rests, or exhaustion may debilitate you.

"He that can take rest is greater than he that can take cities."

~Benjamin Franklin

If you don't get enough rest and try to do all of the work yourself, you risk harm to the care receiver and your own personal health. "When faced with the task of caregiving, many people run their health into the ground," warns Aldrich. "The mental stress and emotional anguish can make sleep hard to come by. The hours that your care receiver needs you will be erratic. A nap or two during the day will give the patient much-needed rest but might keep him or her up at night. Try to sleep when the patient does. If you take a sleep aid at night, that medication must not keep you from being able to function. There were situations when I had to take Gordon to the hospital in the middle of the night. Any medication that makes you drowsy is a no-no. This goes for excessive alcohol, too."

Ask for help when you need it.

"The healthy, the strong individual, is the one who asks for help when he needs it."

~Rona Barrett

Caregiving is a "we thing," not a "me thing." There are times when you need to lean on not only professional care providers, but also on your family and friends. It's okay to ask for help. In fact, make a complete list of available resources.

"I was amazed at a recent study that showed only a small percentage of long-term caregivers go to support groups or individual counseling," says Aldrich. "Whether that's because of time constraints, needs of the care receiver, or lack of knowing where to get help, it's a sad oversight. I'll be the first to admit that I was unaware of how close to breaking down I was through the day-to-day rigors of taking care of Gordon and working full-time. Letting the emotions out while you're with the patient may be too traumatic for him or her, but you must find a time and place to do it. You also need to spend quality time away from the patient. Don't feel guilty if you find an opportunity to go out to dinner or go to the movies. Always remember that you're a human being without super-human powers."

Exercise the mind, body, and soul.

"Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity."

~John F. Kennedy

Exercise is good for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. The benefits go far beyond muscle mass. It can be hard to find the time to leave the patient long enough to go to the gym, however.

"Finding a gym close to wherever you are may be challenging, but walking up and down hospital corridors doesn't require relocation to work your muscles," says Aldrich. "I had to stay strong because my patient weighed 280 pounds. While I couldn't lift him, I had to help support him. Being a caregiver is sometimes about being creative. Your talents will often be challenged while attempting to maintain a normal life balance."

About the Author:

Joni James Aldrich believes that she has been preparing to write The Saving of Gordon and Connecting through Compassion for most of her life. As a child, she was a better than average student. She wrote dramatic poetry. Before college, she worked at a newspaper. In her professional career, she has worked in analysis, documentation, communications, and public speaking. She has also been able to incorporate her love of photography into the design of the books. However, her real motivation for writing this book was two years of crisis in the cancer school of hard knocks. She feels it is her destiny to relay this story to readers in a way that will help them in their own cancer journeys. It is her hope that someday that journey will no longer be necessary for anyone.

Joni is also the author of The Cancer Patient W-I-N Book: Our Cancer Fight Journal and The Losing of Gordon: A Beacon Through the Storm Called "Grief." For more information, visit www.jonialdrich.com, www.thecancerlifeline.com, and www.griefbeacon.com.

About the Book:

Connecting through Compassion: Guidance for Family and Friends of a Brain Cancer Patient (Cancer Lifeline Publications, 2010) is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.