Losing a spouse or life partner, whether to death or divorce, tops the list of being the most difficult and stressful thing a human being must suffer through, deal with, and hopefully, recover from. It is even more difficult for people over 50 being as that most have been in a relationship for many years, are not used to being alone, aren’t sure they are ready to start a new relationship, and may not even know how to go about meeting someone new.

When a person suffers the loss of a spouse or significant they may come to a point that they feel there is nothing natural or enjoyable about living alone and decide to step up and out and try to connect with someone once again. While some have found late-in-life relationships that are fulfilling beyond belief, others just can’t move on from a partner they spent 40 or 50 years with, and have decided to make the best of living alone.

The following is a glimpse of how six people between the ages of 55 and 75 are dealing with death or divorce and dating.

GINNI – A “WANT-IT-ALL” WOMAN

After a 33-year marriage, 71-year-old Ginni has been a widow for 17-years. She is an active senior who says her dating regime varies being as that she is a member of a dance group that does quite a bit of traveling. “I am taking a dating vacation for a few months,” she laughs. “It is not unusual for me to date weekly, when I do. My last serious relationship was several years ago. I met (him) at a dance. I have also met several nice men through Internet dating.”

Having had some luck with Internet dating, Ginni recommends it. “I am a big believer in Internet dating. I know it has gotten a lot of bad press but, if you play by the rules, it can be a way to meet a lot of people and know more about them then you would if you met them somewhere else,” she reasons.

As far as how dating has changed over the years, Ginni says she feels it is very different from when she was young. “When I was widowed, in my early 50s, it was totally a new world. Everything had changed. Expectations of how a woman was supposed to act (or) respond to a man – who was to make the first move – pay for the date. If I were to give it a value – I would say it is better. My confidence in myself, and who I am is greater. I am less dependent on needing a man to take care of me.”

While many single folks over 50 say they are just looking for companionship, Ginni is different. “Companionship is great, but I am a ‘want-it-all’ type of woman. I believe in love – in quality relationships – in two people who can be committed to making it happen. Of course, it’s not easy to get back into dating after being married for so many years. It was like being a 50-year-old teenager. I dealt with this by moving back into the dating world slowly. I went to dances and called on my good girlfriends to help me through,” she recalls.

Her advice for those thinking about getting back into dating is to learn the new rules of dating by looking to friends who are in a similar situation.

Having experienced both negative and positive experience, Ginni says there are clearly some challenges in being single at an older age. “The most difficult is age discrimination. I am told that I look very young for my age – that age is just a number. But there is a certain amount of bias about older women. The best part is getting to a place where I know who I am – knowing what I have to offer to others – appreciating the good things in my life, and making the most of every experience that comes my way.”

SHEILA – WAS MARRIED TO “THE ONE”

On the flip side of Ginni there is 75-year old Sheila. Widowed for five-years after a 20-year marriage, she says she never dates. “In my case, I was married to ‘the one.’ I cannot imagine feeling that way twice,” says Sheila. “I haven’t wanted to get back out there and I have not tried. I think I am ready for more diversion in my life, but I must admit, I am happy and content.”

Whenever she has given thought to dating, Shelia says she always comes back to feeling it is not for her. “If I did, it would be for all of the wrong reasons,” she opines. “I would want a friend only, and I am not convinced that is possible as it always seems to go a step further. I would want a man to take me to dinner, or a show, or whatever, and pay my way. I would only want to see him when I felt like I need company. As you can see, it would be all on my terms, and I don’t think that is a way to treat someone. For that reason alone a relationship would not be right for me.”

ADDIE – “LONELY” BUT NEVER “ALONE”

Addie, who recently tuned 61, is a divorcée who had been married for 28-years. “Being a divorced or widowed senior today is a very lonely life,” says Addie. “I say ‘lonely’ because I am never ‘alone.’ There is a difference. I hate going to weddings and being the token dance because I don’t have a date. I am not opposed to meeting people, and I’ve even posted a profile on a few dating Web sites. I think, like any other task, it takes energy and time to focus on meeting men, getting to know them, and deciding if there is the potential to build a relationship.”

Addie, who is currently not dating, says she would enjoy companionship, especially for things like trips, going to the theater, sharing family events and having someone to share things with. “It’s an added gift if that perfect companion also becomes the love of your life,” she adds.

Like other single seniors, Addie says there are many challenges when it comes to getting back into the dating world after a long marriage. For one, there are so many more available women than men – and in her opinion – most of the men are looking for younger women. “Sometimes, just curling up with a good book or a movie is the easier alternative,” she says with a shrug.

JO – STILL FRISKY? YOU BET!

Jo, an active 71-year-old, had been married twice. His first marriage ended in divorce after 20 years, and her second husband of 22-years ago passed away suddenly seven-years ago. After recovering from the grief of her husband’s passing, Jo realized that for the first time in her adult life she did not have to put a husband or child first. Embracing her independence, she traveled, upgraded her home, and did what she wanted to do. She says that while she was never unhappy being single, she did date and is currently in a happy and committed relationship.

“I met Bob three-years ago,” says Jo. “He is 84 and was widowed in 2005. I am comfortable with Bob. We are very candid with each other. Things moved slowly at first because I had lots of trips scheduled that year. He referred to me as his ‘part-time lady friend.’ I really liked Bob, but I was a bit concerned about the age difference – which has turned out to be a non-issue. Bob has the energy and vitality of a 50-year-old. If you are wondering if an 84-year-old man still gets frisky – you bet he does! Do, I still want him to get frisky? You bet I do! We are both grateful to have found each other at this point in our lives.”

GARY – SINGLE EVENTS “YES,” INTERNET “NO”

Gary, a divorced man who turned 65 this year, says he usually dates at least once a week, although that has not been the case for the past three-months being as that he is in a relationship with a woman he met at a singles dance. “I was lucky because dating as a senior is hard,” says Gary. “There’s just way too much baggage.”

Gary says that while companionship is nice, he also feels sex and intimacy is still a very important part of a relationship. “As a senior, dealing with the issues of dating, you’ve just got to move forward and seek a good relationship – enjoy the time spent looking, as well as enjoying your time alone.”

He suggests getting out and mingling even if you don’t feel like it. “Try attending singles events,” he says. “But stay away from the Internet – it’s full of liars.”

Gary says the hardest part about being single is going on dates and having to listen to horror stories that rival a Hitchcock movie about how difficult the dating world is. He says the upside is having the independence to do whatever he feels like doing. “The best part is having alone time, and doing and eating what you want.”

STEVE – A NEW PERSON WITH NEW POSSIBILITIES

After being married for 22-years, Steve has been a widower for 10-years. At the age of 55 he says he doesn’t date at all. “I am too busy – or I haven’t found the right woman to make me make time,” says Steve. “I’m not sure dating at my age is better or worse – it’s just different. I find that dating at this age involves two people who know what they want – so the screening out process goes more quickly than when I was younger.”

While he isn’t presently dating, Steve did force himself to get into the dating scene a while back. “It took a few years after my wife passed away to get back out there and feel okay with dating and sharing time with another woman,” he says. “Once I got to that point, it was fun. All of the woman I have dated have been married before and are now either divorced or widowed, so we are in the same boat.”

Steve says he believes folks his age and older may share his feeling that it is not as easy to be accepting of someone else’s habits and activities as he was when he was in his 20s and 30s. He says that to overcome that he thinks people should try to be understanding that finding a new partner later in life is rough for everyone. “Don’t compare your date with the man or woman you were married to,” Steve advises. “Whether it ended in an amicable divorce, bad divorce, or they passed on, your date is not your former mate – they are a new person in your life, who bring with them new possibilities.”

Based out of Laguna Hills, Debbie L. Sklar is a regular contributor to “Life After 50.”