By Cindy Laverty

Something crazy happens when someone becomes a caregiver. In my experience, most people, especially those who have not planned for caring for a loved one, abandon rational thought. For some odd reason, they think they are going to be able to fix everything that is wrong with the person for whom they are caring, and that they are supposed to perform the duties of a caregiver alone. Not only is this irrational, it will also have an extremely negative impact on you and your family. I’m not trying to scare you, but my experience in this area has proven that those who try to walk this journey alone end up with a life that is very different from what they originally intended.

Caregivers are like first responders running into a burning building. But unlike first responders, they often forget to arm themselves with the proper gear. First responders are prepared. They would never show up for an emergency without the right tools and equipment, and would certainly not show up alone. They work as a team, in which every member has a clearly defined role. They understand that without teamwork, nothing is possible.

Caregivers who take on the first-responder role quickly learn that caring for a loved one can be an all-consuming project. In the beginning, it feels good to be able to help your loved one and seems to be manageable. But unlike being a first responder, caregiving can last for years – sometimes decades. No one can go it alone for years.

The key to successfully caring for a loved one is to find balance and help. If you make others feel like they can’t handle caring for the person like you can – well, they may just agree and leave you on your own to do so. Be appreciative of any help offered and let those willing to help, even in the smallest way, know that in the role of a caregiver, you are providing the most beautiful gift you can give to another – the ultimate act of care. I often see that the primary caregiver take that role so seriously, they lose themselves. Remember, you don’t have to be a martyr to be a wonderful caregiver.

Balance begins with your understanding and acceptance that, as a caregiver, you were never meant to lose your own life, sacrifice your health and personal well–being, or ignore your family and friendships. The person for whom you are caring would not want that for you.

Help is available everywhere. Did you know this? Of course, there are professional caregivers who can come in a few times a week and alleviate a lot of stress, but what I’m really talking about is creating a strong family and friend support team – a team of people who are reliable and want to help. Once you have put that team together, you then have to be able to step back and actually allow them to help – something that may take effort and a willingness to step out of your own comfort zone.

It’s possible that you might not know how to do this. That’s okay. I coach family caregivers and it is my absolute joy to help people move from being overwhelmed to being empowered. Magic happens when someone picks up the phone and says: “I need help and I’m willing to do what it takes to make this work.”

My company, The Care Company, was founded on my personal experience caring for my ex-husband’s parents for six years. I needed help and support. I didn’t have it. I suffered severe burnout and then, finally, someone stepped up and helped me. Today, I help others. We have a crisis in our country and we need to find new ways to care for our aging population. If you weren’t formally trained, how could you be expected to know what to do? As a caregiver you are a very special person who has answered one of life’s highest callings. Having accepted that calling, please know help is available. It’s just a phone call away. You don’t have to go it alone.

Cindy Laverty, founder of The Care Company, an Internet-based caregiver community, has dedicated her life to creating a nation of empowered caregivers. She coaches family caregivers on how to thrive in the world of caring for another. An author, public speaker and host of “The Cindy Laverty Show,” heard nationally each week on CRN Digital Talk Radio, Cindy has a special gift for you. Just click on her website and you sign up to receive her e-zine and bonus book, “You: The Other Person to Care For.” You can reach Cindy with via her website, www.empoweredcare.com or call (855) 4CARECO