By Johnathan Thomas

During our journey in life, we reach various milestones which, at times, require serious and uncomfortable conversations. Examples include discussions about a failing marriage, accidents and whether one will have the financial resources available to retire. One of the most difficult conversations to have is when news must be broken to a loved one that they have been diagnosed with a debilitating disease.

Learning one has Alzheimer’s disease is a stressful, frightening and overwhelming thing to deal with. I recently dealt with a client who told me when her grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, her grandfather made the decision not to tell her. The man felt he was protecting his wife from distress, since her sister had died from the disease. The woman who came to me was seeking advice and direction on whether or not this was the right way to approach this sensitive situation.

I told her that when you learn a loved one has Alzheimer’s or a related dementia, it is common to be torn between keeping the information to yourself and sharing it with the diagnosed family member. You will wonder how they will react, and how you will deal with their reaction.

Following are some suggestions on how to handle and discuss the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s with the affected person:

First, you must consider the degree or stage of the disease. If a person is in the early stages of the disease, they will be able to understand what you are telling them. If this is the case, information should be clear and presented in a way they will understand.

Most health-care professionals believe it is best to tell someone in the early stages of Alzheimer’s about their diagnosis. It allows them and the family time to grieve, enjoy the time they have and also to give them the opportunity to make important decisions regarding future care, the disposition of their assets and their wishes for memorial or funeral services.

If a person is already showing signs of confusion, then telling them they have Alzheimer’s may seem to have little or no advantage. However, sometimes offering the person simple explanations as to why they are feeling anxious or are confused may give them some peace of mind. Be sensitive when sharing the diagnosis, keeping in mind the person’s feelings and emotional state, as well as their ability to understand, reason and react. Always remember, disclosure of a potentially devastating diagnosis is about listening and helping the person deal with the information you are telling them. They may not be able to completely understand what you are saying and often may get agitated or deny or dismiss what you are telling them. If this happens, accept their reaction, avoid confrontation and put off further explanations for the time being.

The most important thing is to be empathetic – put yourself in their place. Suppose you knew something was wrong with you and that the people closest to you were hiding things from you. That would be a terrible feeling that would create emotional insecurity, stress and fear.

You should also choose the right time to talk. People with Alzheimer’s may be more receptive to information at different times of the day. As for other tips:

(1) Keep the information precise; do not overcomplicate your explanation.

(2) Make sure you are face-to-face; this should never be done over the phone.

(3) Listen to the person carefully. They often signal the amount of information they can deal with through their questions and reactions.

It is important to know that when the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s is shared with the affected person, a common reaction is depression. This can be difficult to deal with but is, of course, understandable. Receiving bad news is a part of everyone’s life. But, if you can stand together with other family members or close friends, you can provide incredible emotional support and love for your loved one, and for everyone who has been and will be impacted by the disease. This is something that affects the entire family, and if you feel there are some family members who may need assistance in getting through the process, you may need to consider hiring a professional geriatric-care manager who can assist you in providing support and help navigate the family through the difficult days that come when Alzheimer’s strikes a family.

Finally, reassure your loved one. Let them know you will always be there to care for them, look out for them, provide ongoing help and support, and do whatever is possible to give them the best quality of life possible.

Johnathan Thomas is the co-founder and executive director of California Center for the Aging, one of the leading authorities in non-medical in-home care, geriatric-care management and long-term care planning. He holds both a masters and doctorate degree in psychology, a certificate in gerontology, and a certificate in health, spirituality and healing. He is currently working on his third masters degree in health-care administration and his book, “Help! I’m in over my head,” is slated for release in 2012. For more information on caregiving and assistance, click on California Center for the Aging’s website at www.calcenterforaging.com